I need to vent.
I hate that feeling where you feel alone.
Friends? What friends? Friends who couldn't even make it to my 18th. The one age where you can let your hair down, have fun and spend it with people that make you happy but it's my life, nothing is straight forward and once again I get let down. Do you ever get used to broken promises? Does it get easier?
University, university is meant to be the highlight of your life. New friends, new responsibilities and a new leaf. Sounds great doesn't it? Then why should the choice be so hard. Why can't I be the clever one, why can't I be the one who has the luck. Why am I always the one who works her ass off but gets no where. Maybe its me, maybe I am the problem?
I thought if I keep my chin up. Take my life in my hands, invite people out, instead of waiting on them. Keep my opinions to myself. Tell people what they want to hear and it worked out ok. I get along with most people. But it's not me. I don't want to be that person, and I don't want it to be that I have no choice either. If they don't like me for me that's their loss right? Then I go back to having that feeling where you feel alone. It's like a room the size of a football pitch, just plain white walls and you are in the middle. It's just you. There is no windows and no doors, its that feeling.